We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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