Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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