She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
