Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
