He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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