Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
