If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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