is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
