He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
