Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
