Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
