Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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