So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
