How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
