He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
