Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
