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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
