remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
