hell yes lets make some ravioli
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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