what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
