He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
