Nicole vs. Life
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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