Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
