I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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