Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
