and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there is glitter all over my balls
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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