Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
