i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she pinky promised me she was 18
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
