Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
