Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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