I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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