U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
