I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Houston, we have a blender
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
