everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
