he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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