it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
