When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
