I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
