Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
