We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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