they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
