bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
