um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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