You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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