Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
