go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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