he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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