How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
