So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
