Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
40s are totally the cure
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
