no, he came in my armpit
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
